I'm not gonna lie, I'm struggling today. The tears no matter how hard I fight them have come easy today, Twice so far actually.
Tomorrow's my birthday, and I'm not excited. Silly huh? And its not for the reason one may think. Getting older does bother me, mostly because I see my children growing and I'm not ready to let them be older, lol But I'm struggling because I'm missing people that were important to me.
I'm struggling because I know that tomorrow My Gram isn't going to call, it will be the first time ever that she won't be calling me to wish me a Happy Birthday. And it S.U.C.K.S !!
I miss her every day since she's left us, I just don't let it get to me, I mean I try hard to just poke it down and squash the sadness feelings, it sounds horrible but I'm the tough one or I'm supposed to be. I have to keep it together so that I can keep my family from falling apart. I've always been the fixer. The one to make it better. The problem is I CAN"T MAKE THIS BETTER, I CAN"T FIX THIS.
And I hate it.
This will be the first birthday my gram won't be calling and the 4th birthday that my daddy hasn't called. I miss them so much.
Remember when we were kids and all we wanted to be was adults?? What were we thinking?? No one ever told us it would be this hard sometimes??
Missing people sucks. HORRIBLY!!
But remembering how much they loved you helps a lot. Thank God for memories!!